For a long time I have been thinking of posting a blog, however, for equally long I have been quite lazy enough to do it. But here I am today, back from my office, finding innovative ways to kill my time; I have finally crossed the threshold and am posting my very first blog. For starters I like the concept that you can have a pseudonym. That ways you can really talk about anything without being frowned upon by others. Although comments may still flow, but at least you don’t have to live in a constant fear of humiliation. Moving on, I thought the best way to start my tryst with blogging would be type in just the random thoughts which keep coming to my head. So please bear if it is a compilation of totally useless information about me and my life.
Well what the hell, suddenly there is a dead end and I have to really knock my head off for trying to come up with something exciting. But then I guess the harder you try to think the less your brain works (That by the way is against every principle that our elders have taught off). Anyways, I got to be honest to myself and so the only thought coming to my head right now is on indi rap singer called ‘HARD KAUR’. Well saw a picture of hers today and she has been on my mind since. At first look, she can be hardly called a beautiful girl. But hell, is she sexy. Guess you gotta have the right attitude and it can make the worst look the best. Perhaps this is what the marketing guys are good at “Making a product look at its best”. Well can’t say the lawyers are any less. They always claim that their client is the best soul on earth and in the process they do their share of marketing. Honestly, I suck at it. It’s hardly my cup of tea. I believe that you ve gotta be the best you can be and eventually the world will see you. Yeah! That is a lame ass belief, but one which I find the most convenient to believe and thereby console myself for my lack of skill in marketing.
But, here lies the problem, I am not exactly good at what I believe in too, because when it’s time to put in your best, I can put only so much and it is not good enough. Whereas other, sharp as hell and street smart galore! They just are rocking there life away. But hey what the hell.... life is like this for some.
Move to my personal life, and I am desperately searching for a gal to share some thoughts with (the ultimate failure in which has led me here in the cyber space). Girls! They are one interesting piece of work. Personally I believe they are way smarter than men, wiser than men and for that matter even better at enduring pain. Amazing creatures of God they are, but with one issue “THEY ARE COMPLICATED”. Perhaps I think so because my brain is a size of pea in front of them. Anyways I need a girl... and if that sounds like desperate, then be it, because that is god’s honest truth. Of all the girls I have come across, there are only couple whom I have been close to. One is a friend of mine, solid as rock behind me. Another WAS a friend; she is no more my friend (at least I don’t think so). It’s the second one, who actually was the first person I fell in love with. But it was all one way traffic on my end. She herself though wasn’t that sorted as well. She herself had two other friends of hers whom she had fallen in love with, BOTH OF THEM. Ideally I should not be speaking about her, but then since I am not taking her name, I assume there should not be any problem. The first time I saw her, she hardly made an impression. She was a co –employee joining the workplace for the first time. First look.... and hardly different from others. But we got on like wildfire. Something struck between us. And we started meeting after office. Chit chatting talking, about anything, everything. Then one day I went to her house to help her out with some stuff (one which I can’t recall now) and for the first time I saw her with her hair down. Boy! I don’t what what hit me, but I was left with my mouth open. She was something I had never experienced before. WOW! Anyways, I a fool never realised what was going on and just decided to carry on as friends. But then one day, she started to ignore me or rather she started to be friendly with guys other than me. What happened I don’t know but man I have never been so jealous before. It was PAINFUL! That is the first time I realised that I had feelings for her. But then I knew that she had her partner whom she was dating for five years. It seemed ruthless to even contemplate interfering between the two. But then she herself, with one of the guys she was friendly with; she fell in love with him, ALSO. And then I flipped, never had I ever experienced such a complicated scenario in my life. What the hell, what to do, how to make this Pain go was all I kept thinking about.... day in and day out. The fact that she was in the same office as me, made matters worse. Any attempts to forget, were shattered with her first look in the morning. It was sweet, addictive and incredibly PAINFULL. I couldn’t stand it but I could not live without it.
Eventually, I left my job and changed my city to deal with it. And I am doing better now. Apart from the obvious withdrawal symptoms, she only occasionally figures in my thoughts. Improved state of mind to say the least. Yeah! You can call me an escapist. But I did it because of couple of reasons. Firstly, deep down I knew I would never ever stand a chance against the two other guys she had fallen for. Both of them athletically built, smarter and sharper. On the other hand, I was overweight (hell I still am), hardly as smart or as sharp as them. They all would have beaten me in any area. Secondly, even if I would stand a chance, I could not stand being the person who was the reason for a break up of a happy couple. It happened eventually, but at least the guy is not cursing me. Thirdly, deep down I always knew that we are not meant for each other and that even if we get together, there would be no chance that we would stay together for long. So all in all we were not going to be a couple but still I had the immense pain that nothing in the world could stop... But it had to stop ... one way or the other. So I made a choice and left that job and left that city. I made that choice for me and I believe that I have made the right choice.
For now at least, I want to date someone. Need not be someone fancy. As long as it is a girl everything is okay. I want to experience love once more and this time a successful one. I want to experience it so badly, but Whether or not it actually happens in my life is for time to see. And in case it happens, I will surely keep you posted.
Thank you for enduring me.
Yours truly,
Random Che
